Today, two things struck me. One, Cynie said, "Life's supposed to be downhill, easy." That means, if it's not easy, you're not doing the right thing. Earlier, I had told her that I felt like "taking a corner," a huge turn in my life that totally redesigns how I live, whom I'm living with, how I'm making a living. Sometimes, (emphasis on SOME) I feel finished with teaching. Why is teaching so hard? Why is it that I always put my duties to my students above my own work? Then, when I have any time, I paint instead of write. Why do I paint? Cause it's so EASY.
Friday, I got sick of looking at this old blue, dreamy painting that included the profile of a female dreamer, a dark blue door, a yellow bird, a greenish dog, and a bunch of bubbles. Yes, as in, the SUBCONSCIOUS. Having given this painting a good chance...a five year chance to make me happy, I decided TIME's UP! I painted over the door, the bird, the dog, the bubbles. It's now an abstract of colors with the profile of a dreamer in the right corner. And, now, I LOVE it. It took me two hours to make it into a pleasing piece.
Then, today, I was talking to my financial-adviser-billionaire-buddy, Richard, my coffee shop friend, and he reminded me to "take care of myself." He's a bit coo-coo when it comes to conspiracy theories, especially concerning the government, but he's spot-on about financial stuff. He worked for the state of Florida, and spent most of his 9-5 time learning about stocks and investing. Nevermind the ethical issue inherent here, his point was that if anyone wants to learn how to write, they'll figure it out for themselves. He figured out what he needed to do for himself on someone else's time. But more importantly for me, he said, the government wants dumb people. The system is set up that way. How cynical, eh? He said, "What you're doing is a big waste of time." Somehow, that struck a cord.
So, I came home and instead of grading world literature tests, I tried to write. After staring at the screen, I went into my studio, pulled out another old painting that I have given 25 years to please me. (Oh, I swear.) It's of a naked man walking. The perspective is from the top of his head, his back, his butt, calves and a foot. It was the third painting I ever did. It was the first one I did on my own. So, it wasn't easy to paint on top of the man. But I did. AND, it was EASY. It's not finished yet, but I'm feeling the presence of a corner in my life. I'm sniffing, yeah. It's there; it's coming.